Welcome to installment 2 of our Say What? series. In the last installment I discussed comments we've received related to forming a family through adoption vs. birth. In this installment I'll outline other comments we've received related to our adoption. Beleive it or not, we've heard the following from friends, family and acquaitnances.
"But you know, she'll look Chinese!?"
Said with sincere concern that perhaps we hadn't thought of it when told we decided to adopt a child from China. This was said to Jacek when I wasn't around. I so wish I had been there to feign surprise: "Really? Chinese?! Jacek, we have to talk about this!" (yes, I have a sarcastic side).
"She'll just be American!"
Said in what I preceived as a combination denial/annoyed tone when informed our child will be Chinese-American and that we will do our best to teach her about her Chinese heritage. Not sure if this was sheer 'patriotism', an effort to deny that our child will born in China or what. I chose at the time to simply ignore the comment.
"Will she speak Chinese or have trouble learning English?"
Said with much curiosity (keep in mind our child will likely be 8-14 months old when we go to China). Cute. Children are very resiliant and pick up on new sounds and language very quickly, so even if our child is older and speaking, she will transition to English. When our child is old enough we will give her to opportunity to learn Mandarin.
"You don't know what your getting - What if something's wrong with her? What if she's retarded or sick?"
Said out of concern and I think with hope we would cancel the adoption and try for a bio-child - also said right after telling me about distant relatives who had just gave birth to a developmentally disabled child. The logic escapes me. Genetic material does not guarantee the health of a child. While we know there are no guarantees in terms of undiagnosed conditions, we are adopting a non-special needs child. If our child does get sick or we discover an previously undiagnosed condition we will take care of her and ensure she has great medical care.
"Will you tell her she's adopted?"
Said in the midst of tearing up with me while previewing the adoption related child's book Shoey and Dot (in all fairness, this person barely finished the sentence before realizing the sillines of it - remember she'll "look Chinese" and we do not). We will always be very open with our child about her adoption, starting the day we receive her. As she grows, we want her to feel comfortable talking to us about her feelings, good, bad, and ugly related to her adoption story so that she can work through them and not let them define her entire being. Adoption is not a dirty little secret.
There are more crazy comments that I've heard from other adoptive parents who are already home with their child. I'll talk about those in the next "Say What" installment.
5 comments:
I keep getting the
"is it legal?" question
I must not get out much or else I've just stopped talking about it, cause we're not getting these stupid comments. Oops, take that back. My 7 year old nephew asked me if our daughter would look Chinese but, well, he's 7.
That is pretty amazing. I can't say I haven't said anything stupid or foolish to you or Jacek about your adoption. That said however, no matter what I may have said I easily must look like a genius in comparison.
It's too bad some people are so closed minded. It really is. I give you credit for not strangling people with some of the comments you must get. I can only imagine what you will hear when you have your bundle of joy here in the states.
I wanted to say hello again after finally speaking with you today. It is crazy the things people will say to you. Hang in there sweetie! And remember, you can call me anytime.
People are so unbelievably insensitive. Sounds as if you're well prepared for the comments!
Post a Comment